@Destrike, you have a lot of emotions and feelings going on, and most of the comments have addressed a bunch of them. There is a ton of excellent advice and reflection in the follow up comments.
#1) I agree you are nowhere near a sociopath.
#2) I also agree the hardcore JAV stuff might be a bad route. If you need the porn, go for the softer stuff or the amateur stuff or the loving making sessions. (In fact for me, I usually watch watch some Movie simulated sex scenes from hollywood/TV and a combination of the less hard core porn). JAV is not real sex, it's weird shit, and not just YOU, but there are a ton of young adults out there that have a fucked up vision of what sex is, and they are seriously unfulfilled trying to live up to incorrect expectations.
We don't watch horror films and then try to live up to that level of crazy in our lives!?! We know it's fake and stupid, it's just for entertainment. Somewhere in porn we lost that same understanding that it's fake entertainment.
#3) Agree Kama is the way to go as a safe environment. Safe physically, and mentally, and emotionally. The girls are kind, not jarring jaded girls. You have self confidence issues dealing with the ladies (LIKE SO MANY OF US FOR MANY YEARS OF OUR LIVES), and don't subject yourself to attitudes of the crazies walking the street.
No offense to the ladies walking along Temple Street, but there is a risk you are getting the lowest of the low, the real crazies, the almost junkie types, the ladies with daddy issues who are scarred for life, and financially looking for their next meal. A lot of these women are jaded with some serious problems and yourself already feeling sad and with some anxieties are walking into some serious landmines. I mean your diving straight into the dumpster, that is risky and unhealthy not just from an STD perspective, but from your emotional and mental well being.
Also, FYI I have some wife/GF friends and they have admitted they don't care so much when their SO's get a happy ending. As long as it doesn't become a bad habit, or that their man is not falling for the therapist. **NOTE not all, I said SOME!**
#4) Agreed you are a kind, sensitive person, and sex is a normal urge, so there's nothing really wrong with you. As others stated you are desperately craving sex and intimacy. THAT IS VERY NORMAL.
OK, I'll talk a little bit about myself too.
Every dog has his day
So I was a nerdy skinny dorky kid who grew up thinking no girl will ever like me, and I'm a loser with zero confidence, and how will I ever get laid? It's going to be impossible right???
Well I had heard the phrase every dog has his day, or that every guy eventually finds his girl. Not necessarily the girl of his life, but a girl that thinks he's attractive, even the nerdy geeky awkward kid.
IT IS TRUE!!! No joke man, every guy eventually finds a girl who thinks he's attractive, and believe it or not, as you get older there are MORE THAN ONE!! Ya, more than one female out there in the universe will encounter you, think you are cute, like you, and want to sleep with you. It actually is real. I couldn't believe it myself, life teaches you things. It took me forever, but I'm finally fairly content with myself, my looks, with who I am. I still have my days where I'm back to a geeky feeling awkward doubtful kid, but for the most part I finally feel decent with myself. (I'm 40+ it took a long damn time!)
So ya man, be patient, eventually it's going to happen, you will find a woman or women that like you for who you are and you won't be paying them for sex.
Society and it's restrictions are kind of fucked up
Society puts these restrictions on us, especially in conservative families where sex before marriage is banned. You don't want to go against your religion, you don't want to against your culture, you don't want to disappoint your family, you don't want to sabotage a future relationship.
OK there is a lot going on there. I respect all religions and cultures. I get the conservatism. Family units were introduced into the early days of human existence and monogamy came about anthropologists believe, because in those early days when a woman had a baby she couldn't have sex while was caring for an infant. So annoyed males killed the babies, so they could put the woman back to functional and start having sex with her again. SO....a father instinct kicked in at some point, and if he wanted his infant to survive he had to stick around and protect his child and woman to keep other man away. Thus monogamy and family unit was born. And even that may not have been life long, just enough to give the infant a chance which does happen in other parts of nature.
Yet fast forward and we have this thing called marriage, which is pretty damn hard. One woman to rely on is tough, and a lot of us guys are on this forum because that rule just doesn't completely work.
My rant is getting really long and losing my point, so I'm cutting myself off and saying: it is INSANELY COMMON for guys to have had sex BEFORE MARRIAGE and AFTER! Now of course I am NOT going to encourage you to cheat on your future SO. But I am saying you haven't done anything horrible, EVEN IN THE MOST CONSERVATIVE FAMILY, if you had sex before marriage and even if it was with a WG.
I can tell you personally, I know a couple of guys who are indian and had arranged marriage and had been with WG's before marriage and it didn't destroy their future relationship with their bride. Now, when is the appropriate time to have that conversation with your possible wife? I have no idea, it's definitely not the first thing you talk about. I don't know if Indian guys in HK do arranged marriages, but even if not, when you do get into a relationship, eventually there will come a time where you talk about each other's past. You need to be able to bring it up, and open yourself up to her. And it's your past, she should be able to accept you if she really cares about you.
Again, I have seen it and I've never heard a girl saying, "We dated for 8 months, and he was an awesome guy, but he eventually admitted he lost his virginity to a whore on temple street so I had to dump him for his previous crimes against humanity." That doesn't happen. (Again of course you dont first meet a girl and say, "Hi it's our 3rd date I really like you but just wanna say I had sex with 6 prostitutes before I met you"). There is a timing for everything.
Be Careful about being desperate
I've seen this cautionary tale too much. I've seen guys from all ethnic backgrounds who have low self esteem and think they'll never find a girl, and ONE girl finally gives them some attention and some intimacy, and they girls are SHARKS! Piranhas! They are terrible women who turn these guys into their manslaves. Always bitchy and complaining and not a true 50/50 relationship, just a woman who found a guy with no confidence and treat him like crap.
There are various forms of this:
#1) Low self esteem guy living alone in HK hires domestic helper. DH is clever figures this guy out, makes a move, gets intimate, becomes his dream girl. They get married within 6 months, he opens a joint checking out, 1 month later he wakes up and she is gone and his checking account is empty. (I've heard this happens more than once).
#2) Low self esteem guy goes to a wanchai bar, picks up a girl who shows him love like he's never know, similar story, similar few months later checking account is empty, along with a dude with a broken heart, who feels lower than before. (insert wan chai bar for other WG situations).
#3) Guy meets a girl, it's his first GF and she likes that he bends over backwards for her, and she's a bitch but he puts up with it coz he doesn't know better and SHE lives happier ever after, and 20 years later he's a miserable sack of shit. (seen this a bunch).
I'm not trying to rant about evil woman, but if you are really dying for intimacy you can easily be duped. AND I AM A LITTLE WORRIED YOU COULD GET DUPED AND HURT.
The WG desperate woman who's in a fairly POOR financial situation, sees a guy with low confidence and decent amount of cash could be a real sucker! Those ladies see $$$$$$$$
Or I've seen just a guy who marries the first girl he dated, thought he couldn't do any better, but never thought if the girl CARES ABOUT HIM.
So just a word of caution, because I'm a bit older so I've seen it, and I empathize with guys struggling with their self-esteem because I've been there!!! I got lucky I avoided those ladies, but I've seen my share of them in HK.
Overall the advice on this thread is fantastic, and we all crave sex, we all crave intimacy, we want to make our parents and loved ones happy, and most of us want to treat all women with kindness. And many of us had trouble with the ladies and low self esteem or still battle it to this day. These are all normal things. But you are jumping into some unnecessarily dangerous waters, so please use some caution. Also please know, there are girls out there ready to share intimacy with you, be patient, you haven't met them yet.
[ Last edited by mchk at 14-9-2017 17:31 ] | |
