Destrike, Thank you very much for sharing your story.
While not everyone gets a depression diagnosis in their lives, we've all gone thru depressive phases in our lives. Some of these phases can be short, and others can linger and be something that we deal with for months, years, and for some, a lifetime. It's important that we have a support system in our lives that help us to keep ourselves balanced. What makes your situation a little more difficult to discuss with people, is that you're turning to sex as your crutch as opposed to substance and/or gambling. Not that these are any better or worse, just that it's easier to talk about than sex. In most societies, sex is still a taboo topic that people don't discuss openly enough about.
I don't think that you're at a point where you've got an addiction, but it does sound like, substance abuse.
Here's what I mean. When you're abusing a substance, there's a need to satisfy that craving, but you don't feel good about it after. It's also similar to people who become bulimic. You feel depressed, feel an urge to satisfy that craving, but once you satisfy that craving, you feel bad about it. Most of us, eat and drink for merriment. But abuse would be someone who seeks it out to satisfy a craving and then feels bad about it. And I hope that I'm wrong, but it does sound like this is how you're using sex at the moment. And I'm saying this because you said, your own words, "Overthink -> Impulsive Decision -> Regret later -> blame myself and feel ashamed of having everything but still going this route".
I'm not saying these things to condemn you. I'm not saying these things to judge you. But I'd like for you to reflect on it, because if it is true, I think you need to talk to a professional. You're young. You don't want things to spiral out of hand.
In the meantime, I agree with the other guys that have left messages for you. Try some HJ spas that offer some level of intimacy. The other thing that I would suggest you trying, is also something like Seeking Arrangement. Stay away from the ACT of having sex for the moment as your PURPOSE. Yes, it's paid, but just enjoy their company, make out like crazy, and IFFFF sex is a natural progression to your rendezvous, so be it. But just go and enjoy the company of a cute / hot chica for a bit.
You're not a sociopath. A sociopath would have no guilt. No remorse. You're currently full of guilt / remorse. Hence, you're not a sociopath.
Sex is a beautiful, natural part of our lives and our DNA. And everyone on this site participates in mongering for different reasons. Some people are just horny as all f*cking hell and just want to f*ck. Others want to explore their sexuality. And still others want to experience new pussy. There are some who are here because there is intimacy lacking in their lives and participate in this hobby to satisfy that. There are also many
I'm not here to judge / or condemn anybody's motives. But I do hope that engagement in this hobby is something that is healthy, something that is happy and enjoyable, and something that enriches people's lives as opposed to become a crutch that's could turn into an unhealthy addiction / problem.
I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to tell anyone about your thoughts / feelings / experiences, and I think I can speak for the people who have responded at least, that I'm glad you did. I hope that there is someone you can talk to about this, and if not, I hope you continue to talk to us on this forum. I hope also that everyone on here continues to keep this forum a safe place for all of us to share things that might otherwise be difficult to discuss on other forums and in real life.
~UD | |
