[Singapore] Orchid Spa
Date & Time of Session: 1st Week of May late night (sorry for the delay in posting)
Name: Dont remember
Location: Orchid Spa
Nationality and Language: Vietnamese
Face: 3.5/5*
Body: 3/5*
Age: late 20's*
Service: 1/5
GFE: 0/5
Price: $270S broken down as follows ($50 for 1hr advertised, then $75 for 90 minutes, then $150 for prostate, then $100 for the extra paid to the masseuse)**
Would I Repeat: Never!!!
*See below, the lighting was awful.
**See below, financial nightmare full of surprises.
Business trip to Singapore, had a couple really hectic days, and was yearning for a good proper massage, and as always with the added benefit at the end. 
Was checking out Sammy forums and there seemed to be a lot to choose from. I was getting pretty excited at all the choices, but got so busy with work and by the time I got around to eating dinner it was very late and I was pretty tired. It was past 11PM and had been missing sleep and early meetings.
Unfortunately a lot of the lovely ladies posting on Sammy (at least the ones that looked enticing to me) stop work at 11PM. Like 10AM to 10PM or 11AM to 11PM timings. UGH. 
The next problem I had is for THIS trip, I finally decided to stop charging my Singapore SIM card, and just use my roaming data plan from HK. My provider was offering $88HKD unlimited data roaming per day! So I never bothered to top up my Singapore sim. Then later I realized the error of my ways. All these ladies require SMS or calling. No one wanted to talk on whatapp or wechat. (Found 2-3 out of like 30+ ads but 2 didn’t respond and 1 was charging 100% different pricing from her ads and it was all poorly translated so it sounded like it will be a mess and I’ll end up paying double).
I didn’t like the idea of sending punting type SMS on my phone, and I might not get a reply since it’s a foreign number. Argh. Also me calling them is a roaming call, ARGH, and they won’t call back. Ugh. This whole thing could have been avoided had I just charged up my Singapore SIM. Note to self, even though for business purposes it's very economical and convenient to simply go with the data roaming plan from HK, it is a terrible IDEA FOR PUNTING PURPOSES! 
There was one ad that stood out, Orchid Spa, for all times and occassions. An actual spa, with massage with happy ending, open 24 hours. Seemed like my last hope considering it was getting later and later by the moment and I'm already tired. I called them and they picked up and right away the lady wanted my number to confirm my reservation. God damn roaming charges she took 5 minutes to take down my number and then realized it’s a HK number so she said it’s useless for her! WTF. Not a good start. Then I hopped into a cab and it took her another 5 minutes to describe the address. Then she said the girls on the site (there were some cute lookers) don’t work the night shift, but they had a Vietnam girl or Chinese. I took Vietnamese, that sounded interesting. Damn conversation lasted 15 minutes and it’s friggin roaming. 
This is supposed to be $50s for an hour or some super crazy cheap offer. Sounded too cheap so I told her give me 90 minutes, which was $75.
When I get there the place is a bit dumpy looking, not surprising, I came through the back entrance coz that’s where the taxi dropped me. While paying the lady said, oh wait you want a prostrate massage?
Ummm…yaaaaaaa. (So here’s the catch eh, low price, but then prostrate it’s double). So I pay $150 for 90 minutes, but at least now I know I’m getting the “prostrate”. Kinda expensive, but I’m Ok with the price increase since now I’m pretty sure my happy ending is paid for. The only problem is I didn’t bring enough cash, damn it. I brought little over a hundred Singapore. I didn’t change that much Singapore. So I decided to pay $60 on my company card (I figure that sounds like a legit amount for a normal spa visit). And $90 cash. Smart move on my part (or so I thought).
The room is dark as night, probably fucking hideous if you turn on the lights. So damn dark. They give a pair of shorts and the door has a big window, I’m guessing that’s regulation.
The massage lady walks in and I can’t even tell if she’s attractive, it’s so fucking dark inside. She’s also wearing the most UNFLATTERING outfit ever. Boring mom Jeans, flip flops and a baggy black company high collar shirt. I have no idea if she has a good figure. Her face looks like it could be pretty, but there’s another problem. SHE MAKES ZERO eye contact. She looks away and seems to intentionally make NO eye contact.
The spa has some slow spa music blaring overhead and the masseuse has her own slow pop tunes playing from her phone, which are nicer then the spa music, but the two are clashing and it’s a frustrating clash of sounds to the senses.
Dark and morbid, clashing sounds, unflattering outfit, and a lady that refuses to make even the slightest eye contact. This is going downhill fast. 
Well hopefully the massage will be OK?
The Massage
Meh, pretty bad. She has fairly poor technique, I don’t know why I’m here anymore. It’s like 1AM at this point, and I’m thinking maybe I can fall asleep for the next hour and get a nap? Nah, can’t sleep. There is ZERO flittering, zero smiling, zero fun touching, zero anything to make me excited or wake up LB, or even get the knots out of my back.
Finally the flip comes and a little bit of touching around the thighs gets LB awake and ready. I also get to look up at her, and she appears like she might be attractive, but the darkness and the fact that she will make NO eye contact, almost seems to be looking away, like she absolutely hates her job or something.
Finally LB gets some attention and now is at full mast, and just as all brain power flows into LB I get asked the question. $100 to finish.  Uh what!?! But??? What was the $150 prostate all about? Fuck! oh no!
AAAGH. SHE HAS ME BY THE BALLS! FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY! I CAN’T STOP NOW GODAMNIT! 
I don’t even have cash. Fuck.
Frantically I pull out $500HKD and say this is $60 USD!! She’s confused, and starts inspecting that 500hkd note, coz she’s never seen such a thing. I then throw her a few of 10s Singapore, and assure her she’s over $100 S.
She seems convinced.
She starts stroking LB again. Oh man, there comes a point where LB takes over all thought and makes all decisions, and also it’s really hard to do FX math when a woman is stroking you under your shorts, you are tired and it’s 1AM.
Not surprising the girl doesn’t change after she shoves the cash in her back pocket, still zero eye contact, almost to the point she’s looking away as she strokes LB. No flirting nothing, but she knows how to handle LB, obviously she’s been doing this part a while. She has the skill set in this area at least.
Doesn’t take LB long to  . She wipes me off and goes cleans up, I go into the shower which looks gross but too dark to see much, so take a quick one to rinse off and get quickly dressed to get the hell out of there.
I see her in the hallway the lighting is slightly improved, I do think she could be rather pretty but still hard to tell because She keeps her face always in another direction. Anyway what
does it matter when she's dressed shabby and has the attitude of a cold unforgiving glacier.
Got the fuck out of there and realized I gave her like $120+ S plus the $150 to the spa, spent $270+ inside the place and probably another $40+ getting to and from. What a fucking disaster. 
That’s like $1500hkd for a crappy 90 minute massage in a broken down building with a disinterested icicle. Just awful. | |
I have no idea if she has a good figure. Her face looks like it could be pretty, but there’s another problem. SHE MAKES ZERO eye contact. She looks away and seems to intentionally make NO eye contact.
Uh what!?! But??? What was the $150 prostate all about? Fuck! oh no! 
. She wipes me off and goes cleans up, I go into the shower which looks gross but too dark to see much, so take a quick one to rinse off and get quickly dressed to get the hell out of there.