First reaction:
more sex may not lead to increase happiness ... that's reasonable
but LESS sex sure is a living hell!!!
The study is nuts. They're looking in the wrong place: studying couple's happiness has already been done, and (they're correct) it was proven 20 years ago that it's nothing to do with sex ... so they basically wasted their time.
To do the study properly they should take INDIVIDUALS, a mix of singles and couples, and figure out if changing the frequency of sexual satisfaction leads to increased happiness. I think we can expect a different result there!
Further, while the question of whether more sex leads to happiness may not be proven yet - after all sex also brings complications - having more sex is definitely proven to be a prerequisite for physical health. Women who are not touched have a higher risk of breast cancer, and men who ejaculate less have a 3x higher risk of prostate cancer. Those are the proven connections, it's reasonable to expect that additional health benefits will be found in future.
Coming back to couples, and their stability and happiness ... that's determined by their communication, and specifically by their communication style. Read Gottman, the Mathematics of Marriage. Or Principia Amoris if you have less time.
Reading between the lines of his research, a few super interesting conclusions
sex, and the frequency of sex, has nothing to do with whether a couple stay together or divorce
sex, and the frequency of sex, has nothing to do with whether a couple stay together unhappily
extramarital affairs are not a determinant of divorce
Probably the most important conclusion of the Carnegie Mellon research is to confirm that if you research a factor that Gottman has not identified as a priority you will (surprise surprise) not find a correlation with a couple's happiness!
Good news according to Gottman is that
if you DO pay attention to the priorities,
firstly happiness increases,
AND (good news) frequency and satisfaction of sex also increases.
What are the priorities, you say?
Communication, specifically:-
Avoiding four toxic forms of communication (defensiveness, blaming, criticism, stonewalling)
sharing 5x to 20x more positive affect than negative
Using gentle and caring communication especially when you're upset about something
Taking 20 minute timeouts if a fight does occur
and - most important - REGULARLY housekeeping areas of hurt and reviewing emotional 'triggers'
That's the short version.
[ Last edited by DArtagnan at 12-5-2015 10:43 ] | |
