Originally posted by kaleu at 15-7-2012 12:51
The writing is crap,
agree
but if you are writing in a passion fueled state, the first round will probably be "stream of consciousness," ...
nah ... not for SEVEN MONTHS!!! Something smells fishy here.
Bro Hoahao,
it does look like you escaped a volatile situation, and I accept the facts of what happened to you
AND it does also look like you have a great topic for a book, I'm sure it would sell well since it has a huge amount of dramatic tension, xenophobia (on both sides), mystique, sex, romance, and more ... that angle about americans being in jail for drug charges they were framed for is one you could definitely start something with. Maybe a non-profit organisation to get them freed?
But IMHO you really need to take stock and scale down how you're communicating. If you do want to publish, you should seriously consider hiring a ghost-writer.
I read your blog, and couldn't make head nor tale of it ... you present intriguing bits of factual information, but smother it with a ton of invective and speculation ...
I did wonder if this is the style of an American Lawyer doing a summing-up argument? After all, it is a blog, which begins at the end ... so I went to the last page (to see your first posts) to see if you laid out the evidence in a concise and rational way ... but no, you started in the same style you continued, and honestly it reads more like therapy than like a deposition.
I'm being blunt with my feedback, you can take it or leave it
- you certainly do have my sympathy for your situation -
- AND I think it's important that you should share your experience, so others can protect themselves -
but you're already acting like a troll here by making multiple consecutive posts and by making what amounts to a vitriolic racial attack.
Any chance you can lead with the facts of your story, instead of leading with your hatred for the HoaHao? |
