Originally posted by mrfast at 21-5-2012 03:05
When you treat WGs with kindness, it's the cruelest thing of all. ...
it begs the question whether creating a contrast is cruelty?
is raising someone's awareness of their own discomfort itself really an act of cruelty?
My own view is that if I'm the one who gets her to wake up to the disrespect she's tolerating, that's a good thing.
If as a result of being treated as a human being, she starts to feel angry at rudeness, insensitivity, exploitation, or worse, I see that as a kindness.
Yes, you can say that line of thinking leads to the conclusion that I'm causing her to feel worse, and to that extent I do choose to be cruel.
In the same way I will not tell a fat person (s)he is thin, and I won't tell a stressed out person to push themselves harder.
Maybe I'm getting old ... and spending time in Asia is making me more Buddhist and Taoist ...
in any event I do believe what goes around comes around, and even if I'm taking advantage of the choices she's made to be available to me for my pleasure in exchange for what is (to me) a relatively little money, I want her to leave our interaction feeling better about herself.
I won't lie to her about being available
I won't tell her I love her or that I want to make her my own
But if she invites me to spend time with her, and that's something I want to do, I will
and if I feel like giving a gift, or helping her out, I will
and when the time comes that she expects me to behave like a husband or committed boyfriend, I won't
I see it as managing limits, and setting an example of mutual respect
I see that sort of kindness also as an act of self-interest, since you can only truly respect yourself when you master respecting others ... and vice versa ...
'nuff said, really.
PS on a practical note, it occurred to me that us Westerners can usefully remember Confucian values in relationship situations. Pointing out that the judgement of our family and our employer would make it difficult for us both to be happy trying to make a life together, is a much better way to communicate the situation than to get tangled up in whether you love her or not.
Just an angle to bear in mind. |
