Reply #45 season's post
nice to see a wide spectrum of differing views in this thread
not just a knee-jerk "she's a whore, what did you expect"
here's my view
We live in Asia - you're not in Kansas any more - and there isn't a concept of state welfare.
When things go wrong, people don't have insurance to pick up the tab
and they don't have national insurance
but somehow they still have to pay the bills
those that have good earning capacity combined with good money habits have savings, and pay their bills from their savings
but that's the minority
for the majority, there are no savings
except the savings held by "somebody out there" in their network, who maybe got lucky this week, or maybe saved a bit for a rainy day, or is a bit richer than average
Asking for money is normal.
Heck coming from Europe even just talking about your salary is a taboo - crass - you certainly don't walk up to a stranger and ask them how much they earn. But here it's normal. If you travel in China and elsewhere in Asia, you can pretty much guarantee that salary comes up as a question in the first 10 minutes of meeting a complete stranger for the first time.
It's inevitable that in the clash of cultures, Asian people - used to asking for money - will positively enjoy asking westerners for money, watching them squirm, and then often giving in on the (culturally Western) logic that if someone's so desperate as to ask, it must be really important.
Of course, for those who are used to asking for money, hearing "no, I can't give you any money" is also very normal.
so saying no doesn't mean the end of the relationship
You've been pretty generous with her: of COURSE she's going to ask you if she hits a real need.
and of course she will understand if you say no
... and her reaction is the ONLY point at which you can tell the difference between a genuine call for help from someone she feels comfortable with, and a scam artist who was pretending all along.
And I still wonder: if giving her a big gift is so easy for you, why not do it anyway? If the amount seems high, give her a smaller amount - an amount you could afford to see go away. That is also culturally appropriate in an environment where tapping your friends is the way to deal with one of life's cash-call problem.
Reciprocation is hard-wired in humans. You seem to like her, she seems to like you, and being "a friend in need" is a good way to get a reciprocal response from her, on the balance of probability that she may well not be a scammer. | |
