As so it begins... (:>
I have to go back quite a few years to be where you are today.
Yep, it starts with that first time. And it was good, wasn't it? But that guilt sticks around, and fear too. After a little while you realize nothing has changed between you are your wife - she doesnt know, doesnt suspect - is as happy and content with you as ever. Hmmm. No harm done the devil on your shoulder tells you.
And then a second opportunity presents itself - and this time it is a little easier for you engage your dark side and go along for the ride. But ultra-cautious you remain. Fearful and careful.
Over time you learn little rationalizations about why you actually "deserve" this little extra on the side: you work hard, earn lots of cash, provide for her every need, treat her well. But maybe you are not totally fullfilled sexually..., why should you waste this great gift of sex? You DESERVE it right? You've EARNED IT after the years of being such a good spouse/father/provider!! And damn it just feels soooo good!!
The guilt, Bro, is something you must live with - ALONE. Do NOT, under any circumstances, come clean with your wife. You will do it only as an attempt to purge your guilt (it wont work) and it will blast your relationship to smithereens. Many, if not MOST women can live with suspicion. If you are a good spouse in all other ways they learn to "look the other way" or ignore some obvious clues - but ONLY if you maintain the plausibility of deniability. There is a HUGE differnace between her "wondering: if you've cheated, and her "knowing" you did. Deny, Deny, Deny! If you confess she can no longer pretend, can no longer accept the good you bring and forget the possibilty that you might have strayed. Her trust in you vanishes and with it the downward spiral of almost every relationship. She might forgive you and you go on for a few more years (maybe for the kid's sake), but whatever you "had" together before this knowledge was learned will never return. Yes, we have all heard of some couples who get past it and live in a truly healthy and happy relationship again - but these are the exceptions.
So. yes, you will feel guilty, and this is YOUR burden to bear, and YOURS alone.
[ Last edited by wander at 25-1-2011 11:14 ] | |
