well said!!! I dont have any of those yet but I want one in the future and I will do what it takes to keep it together. I also believe that you have nothing if you dont have a family that supports you. Money, friends all that shit can go. But family I do need

I said it in another post, I can't remember which one but when I am in HK/China, the first week is awesome.  Have fun, punt, eat, hang out with friends and relatives then what?  One can punt only so much, 3 times a day 7 days and you sort of lose the edge after the first 21 shots because you don't need it as much, so after you punt number 22 at 11am on day 8, then what?  You feel empty.  So every time I pass a Hui Lau Shan, I think to myself, my wife likes the red bean boat, and this son likes the mango, this one likes the jelly, this one likes the apple etc...  So I end up calling up my wife and asking her what she wants me to buy back, can't wait till 7pm so I can talk to my boys before they go to school, etc...  After week 3, I am dying to go home cuz I feel lonely in HK.  But when we are all in HK for the summer for 4 weeks, there is never a dull moment, this is including me sneaking off for quickies and making an excuse to use my multiple entry visa to China.  I punt a lot less, but I am helluva a lot happier.

Good for you! Doing that type of stuff---asking your wife what she wants, thinking about your kids and wanting to talk to them, that stuff only reinforces the bond of marriage and makes it last. somehow being single, I dont have that feeling of emptiness after weeks of punting yet but it sounds like you have a good marriage and a happy one. Good for you

It's good to know the reaction/opinion of members that are already married but still have the time to do punting.

As for me, i'm still single... but considering the happy memories of doing it. even if i get married i'll still see myself on doing it.

The key factor for me, though, is place - as well as time.  I live in Sydney, but punt when I visit China.  I would never consider doing it at home - different atmoshere entirely...

You can OD on punting too bro. Like everything else, its best in moderation.

But...... what is moderation???

What is moderate for one may be excessive for others etc

SEAJ
edited to make sense!!  ooops

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 28-1-2010 01:05 ]

Not been truly happy for a long while already

Started when I was really really down - and a friend told me that you could be in the BEST place, and if you're gonna be unhappy, you're gonna be unhappy.

BUT the converse is true - even if you're in the worst situation, if you make yourself happy - you are going to be happy.  

Happiness is a state of mind - your own mind. No more, no less.

Then he taught me to go to the bathroom by myself, look in the mirror, and  force myself to start smiling - whilst taking deep breaths.  Do this a few times - And guess what? It worked! It really worked!

All of a sudden I felt exhillirated.... and happy... and went out of the bathroom a new AND happy guy!   JUST LIKE THAT!

Something about forcing yourself to produce endorphins or ??

To the point that a lot of time, when I'm by myself, at work, before going to sleep/waking up, driving, reading boring reports - heck even writing retorts back here when I was getting slammed - I just automatically do it and it ALWAYS works to lift my spirits.

I Should start a consultancy business just to do this.... and make the whole world happier!!  Do I hear investors???!!  LOL

SEAJ

my problem is pretty simple to fix, but unfortunately it's easier said than to fix.  I (like most Asian parents) want my kid to head to Stanford or Harvard or some school like that.  He has shown so far (he's got another 7 years before college) that he's not a top tier student (goes to one of the finest public schools in all of California), probably in the next tier.  I stress out my kid, which in turn stresses out my wife, which in turn causes all types of other problems.  Then, it goes the other way around, starting with my wife stressing out my kid.  If he were a top student and/or we didn't care what/where he ended up in college, life would be hundreds of times easier and we'd all be happier.  The second option, quite frankly is never going to be an option.  And therein lies the rub.

JeSun, why not focus on something you can change (your family relationships) instead of what you can't change (your kid's academic aptitude)? I imagine a worst-case outcome in which you mess up your family life, and your kid doesn't get into a top-tier school anyway.

what SEAJ says is 100% true.
It may sound a little gay, but it does work.
The main point is that it is all in your head, your attitude towards life.

Ever notice how happy people seem to have good luck? Well, its NOT TRUE! they just look at their problems a different way, laugh at it, don't take it too seriously, move on and deal with it.

But if the attitude is negative all the time, you won't want to move on, or deal with it, and will fester on you. Therefore, your  problems don't go away. They remain and grow.

All this is controllable, and good things lead to more good things.

The first step is all ATTITUDE.

That might work if your problems are only in the mind. Unfortunately, some problems are REAL and they
can't be fixed by "smiling at yourself in the mirror".  

Like some guy is hunting you down and wants to kill you. Just a sec while I go to the bathroom and smile
at myself in the mirror. OK, now I can die a painful death with a smile on my face.  

Some - if not most problems - ARE real.

But it's how you deal with it that makes all the difference.

I think that you're probably being a bit facetious in your example of somebody wanting to kill you etc - but for problems that happens to all of us on a daily basis, having the right attitude will make for good decision making.

And remember - anybody's who's down/negative/unhappy is much more likely to NOt want to do something about his problem and instead just procrastinate etc.  And NOT doing somethig about a problem is actually a third decision -  So, now you've created a third possiblity - and you've only got a 1 in 3 chance of maiking the correct decsion i/o 1 in 2.

Think about it - and think positive!!

SEAJ
sp. edits

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 29-1-2010 14:35 ]

I came to HK 6 years ago. I was married, but came alone back then because the SO was still working. I was alone for 6 weeks or so and came home straight after work each day. Well, you can only watch so much TV... and I hadn't wasn't as fond of the mongering hobby back then.  I found that each day of that 6 weeks was very lonely. Point: I think it's important to have meaningful relationships in your life. Without that relationship, that someone to care for, that warm home to go to etc, life becomes a dull. Well, that was me anyway.

first of all, i just want to say great thread btw. and great of the internet to allow this anonymous bonding of brothers, all brought together around one common hobby.

hk, i am in the same position that you were in. my SO is currently in hk, and i am back in canada alone to work on some of my things. this has gone on for a month now, and we will have to be separate for another 3 months. at first when i returned, i was ok. but as the days gone by, they seem to get longer and longer. after having this SO, i said to myself i wouldnt revert to mongering. (although i let that slip at a sauna one time in) but in my mind i do want to be true to her.

yet, i find myself alone again here, even tho i have her, she is many a mile away. although i am satisfied with our relationship, the state of being here alone kills me. perhaps i am not strong enough or motivated enough. but i have reverted back to mongering here. i dont even feel good about it. and the last couple times i went, even though they were pretty girls, in the back of my mind i just felt not into the session. but it was something i was familiar with and felt i had control over. i pay her, she's there that will do things to me for the hour or whatever, and then i go back.

the fact is, its too easy. and i know that. and i dont know how many others have the same problem, but mongering isnt necessarily the best thing for you if you are in a depressed kind of mood. its just like a drug, gives u that instant gratification for a while and then its all gone. u think u are ok for a while, then u get back to it, and that is dangerous.

so long winded answer to the OP's question, no, i am not happy mongering. i do love beautiful bodies and beautiful women, but for me to make this my life i would be miserable. i would trade it all in a heartbeat to be with one, truly caring, loving person....and i feel i have that in my life now, except she is still miles and miles away.

Absence .... DOES make the heart grow fonder.

Remember what you're right now going thru - when you do get back together.... and find yourselves in a quarrel.  
Remind each other then.

SEAJ

.

very good advice and point taken. believe u me, i have been thru many a relationship to understand this point about quarrels. the best attribute a man can have in a relation is to know when to let go of a quarrel.

Errrr.... guess this also applies about quarrels here on sex 141 too huh??!!
LOL!!

SEAJ

Depends on the relationship. With many of the married bros here, it sounds more like "Out of sight, out of mind".